Sexual Activities
Dear Parents,
I would like to take a moment to write you concerning a topic that has taken on a certain urgency. I did not intend to write to you on such a serious topic so soon after addressing the issue of alcohol and its provision by adults; but the topic at hand is one that needs to be spoken about. My one request of you in this present letter is this: Please have an extended conversation with your sons and daughters about remaining chaste and abstinent until marriage.
It should come to no surprise to any of you that we are living in an era where our young people are constantly bombarded by sexually explicit imagery. The Internet, TV, music, movies, magazines, e-mail, etc. have all become avenues for direct contact with seriously objectionable material. As a result the temptation to act out sexually, either privately or with another, is at an unprecedented high. Without attempting to over exaggerate, our children need to be rescued from this onslaught of temptation and you are their rescuers both by example and by action.
Scriptures themselves are absolutely clear that sexual immorality goes directly against truly Christian living (1 Cor. 7). St. Peter himself urges us to ‘flee from a world corrupted by lust’ so that we might become ‘participants in the divine nature’ (2 Peter 1:4) and so that we might share in the ‘glorious freedom of the sons of God’ (Rom. 8:21). Jesus himself took purity to the next level when he teaches that “everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery” (Matt. 5:28). This statement alone goes against the whole gamut of pornographic materials that become imprinted on a person’s memory and impacts his/her actions. As a Catholic high school, we ourselves, whole heartedly believe in the message of chastity of mind, heart and body and constantly exhort our students to live lives of purity; but our efforts are secondary and virtually worthless without the primary parental involvement in the home.
Please have a candid and well thought out conversation with your son or daughter about remaining pure and abstinent. Do not underestimate the strength and desire your children have to remain pure. This strength and desire is increased four-fold when parents are supportive, protective and confrontational when necessary. But this strength and desire are robbed of its power when parents are indifferent to sexual activity or to the emotional needs of their children.
Sexual activity outside of marriage is never healthy. Young people who participate in such activity are most often responding to an emotional void that can only be healed by authentic loving relationships- beginning with the parents and family. Indeed, the true damage of premarital sex is the emotional isolation and numbing that result from the mixed message contained within sex outside of marriage. The act of sex symbolizes a total gift of self and reaches into the interior depths of a person. But sex outside of marriage cannot result in a total gift of self and therefore leaves the desire for union unfulfilled. The consequence is the heart remains empty and the emotional isolation continues to grow.
It is important to be aware that there is no contraceptive that can protect the heart from the emotional pain caused by premarital sexual intercourse. This is why contraception can never be a true alternative to abstinence. Contraception does not prevent STD’s nor does it protect the mind from feeling used or the heart from being abused. Contraceptives can only prevent pregnancy. But pregnancy is not a disease to be avoided; it is, in fact, the one thing that is supposed to result from sexual intercourse, which is precisely why sexual intercourse is to occur only in the context of marriage. As an institution BCCHS does not punish pregnancy, nor are we ashamed of young men and women who experience pregnancy, because pregnancy is not a sin. As an institution, BCCHS recognizes the absolute immorality of premarital sexual activity. We beg our students to stop such activity immediately and to lay hold of a life of chastity and abstinence. In short, contraception is unable to be the answer, pregnancy is not a disease but sexual immorality is the problem.
You should be also aware that there are a few ‘dangerous’ situations that can increase the likelihood of premarital sexual activity. The first is unsupervised time alone. The greatest time for sexual activity is between 3:30 and 5:30pm in the afternoon when many young people are unsupervised at home. This activity includes physical activity as well as looking up pornography on the Internet or TV. Second, young people who are involved in long-term relationships experience a significant increase in the temptation to sexual activity. We all know that sexual activity is progressive and long-term relation-ships are the environment, which fosters this progression. Serious checks need to be kept on such relationships and consideration could even be given to encouraging a relationship to end. Finally, young people who have experienced emotional trauma often try to fill the emotional void with sexual activity: it gives the illusion of loved and accepted. Thus divorce, death, physical/mental/verbal abuse, emotional isolation from parents all create an emotional void that the child sometimes tries to escape through sexual excess. (Not to mention the use of drugs, alcohol or other damaging behavior).
Please support your children in living a life according to the Gospel through chastity and abstinence. Research this topic. Prepare a conversation. Ask questions. But most of all LISTEN, LISTEN, and LISTEN. What young people need most is loving care and attention from their family. Please read this letter with your children. Use it as an excuse to discuss a very difficult topic. But most of all, pray with and for your children. Sacrifice and fast for them and implore the saints, angels and the Blessed Virgin Mary for their protection and guidance. While it is true that young people can often make the wrong choice no matter how much we try, the battle for sexual purity must continue and you, as the parents, are the first line of defense.
Sincerely in Christ,
